Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
