Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
