I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
