I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
