I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
