It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
