I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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