I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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