I'm lost and stupid without you.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
