wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
