a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
