its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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