I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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