I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
