He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
