I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
