I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Someone shit on the floor
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
