my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
