I bet he comes in French.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
