i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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