Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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