I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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