Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
