Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
