i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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