And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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