chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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