Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
