Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
