i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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