Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
4 words: hood of his car
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
