Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
