i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
