Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
