so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
