she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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