Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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