Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
