hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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