Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
