its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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