I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
