I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
