can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
PANTIES FOUND
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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