Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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