you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
