I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
