Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
