I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
