"it" just moved
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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