nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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